Dear Maltius,
Hello, fellow Stone Cutter. My, are not these turbulent times? Did you hear some of our European friends may not be able to attend Thaddius's birthday event ceremonies just because they own a hotel chain with a few resorts on Cuba? What are they going to do? Seize them like illegal aliens and send them back on the next plane. Is not Clinton a spineless jellyfish? Folding before that Redneck, Jesse Helms and that very unpleasant Mr. Mass from Miami. Mass won't allow dissent in Miami. So how will he bring it to Havana? If Democracy is so important why are they not embargoing those authoritarian regimes in Mexico and China. Shhhh....don't say that out loud! Some silly Buchananite might take that up.
Besides, we're going to war with North Korea next month! And with all that military down-sizing we are only allowed one war at a time! Just make sure that silly Christian, Jimmy Carter is busy in some God-forsaking place in Africa, Rwanda, Burundi, wherever! Just so he doesn't bollix it up this time!
Golly won't that scare the Red Chinese! Impound our profits! Change our contracts! Perhaps we should make it a tradition. Nuke some Asian cities (Like Pyongyang) every half century as a sacrifice to the Goddess Nucleara to keep the Pax reminding everyone how silly and dangerous these weapons actually are! It'll serve the Communist Dynasty notice! Selling nuclear components to those abhorrent Pakis as a way of containing India. Now even those humorless Malaysians want one. Foolish Chinamen! They live downwind! Don't they know that mutual nuking on the Indian Sub-continent will put radiation in their rice!
They must be stupid because they still put lead in their gasoline. (Just as that substance impaired the Roman Empire a couple millennia ago) Or does putting lead in their gasoline make them stupid and short-sighted? (It could be a "chicken and egg" paradigm here) It obvious their higher functions are being impaired. It will grow worse exponentially, especially now that all their peasants want cars. (Note that gas should shoot up spectacularly early next century. Invest accordingly) Especially they're all sitting for hours (Days?) in one hundred Bangkok-sized gridlocks. One might make better time as a pedestrian except that it will be almost impossible to breath that steamy soot. Thank the Gods for corrupt incompetent city-planners. (As long as WE don't have to live there)
Personally I don't mind that China is paving over their paddies and consuming substantially more meat. That and greenhouse warming (Kansas is on fire!) have raised wheat prices to quarter-century highs. And that's just the beginning. Our farmland holding are spread so wide, (Argentina, Australia, Bakersfield etc.) that even greenhouse inspired storms, floods and drought will damage no more than three out four growing regions at once. Leaving at one breadbasket to "Bring home the bacon". (At a substantial profit, counting speculation, panic, and insured losses)
Speaking of insurance, Rush Lumbaugh is a big fat idiot! But while his denials are lulling the white peasants, our insurance friends are in a near tizzy. They can't close (or hedge) coastal accounts, flood instruments and all manner of weather related policies fast enough. Right now their trying to pool their contracted risks into one vast pool in an attempt to mitigate the vast unpredictable effects of global climate change. Well, who are they going to poll with, Mars, Europa and Pluto? Ha, at least we are well off enough to move our families to cool and stable latitudes.
Speaking of storms, we were lucky in '95 with all those super-typhoons and hurricanes prowling the Atlantic and Pacific just missing many key locations. (look what happen to the Bush Estate five yeas ago!) Let us sell our coastal properties (Columbia, Delaware, Ft. Lauderdale, Hawaii, Rhode Island, etc.) because there might not be enough money in the insurance pools to fully repair or replace our properties if a super-storm plows into the coast at full strength. Foist those deeds off on some of those gauche nouveau riche who been clamoring for them. Won't they be surprised during the next few hurricane seasons.
Tell Thaddius to have the birthday shindig on his island in the Bahamas and we'll avoid those customs difficulties. It might be the last time he might enjoy that estate undamaged and above water!
Your Stonecutter brother forever,
Mathius.
P.S. Move your extended family (except for that idiot brother in law) to our new estates in Perth this spring. Though nuking North Korea will only throw a few Chernobyls of radiation on the North American continent it is wise to be cautious. (Especially since some Pentagon types wish to ground-burst the bunkers in Pyongyang. This will how ever rad the fields in S. Korea and Northern Japan which forces to them to import great amounts of food. Hurrah for us!)
P.P.S. Another unexpected benefit. After being coerced into nuking North Korea, that bumbling lower-class pretender, Clinton, will forced to resign for international (and domestic) public relations reason and a true fellow stonecutter will be back in control! Brother Gore!
